If you don’t love yourself, how can you love others? Easily. You give away all the love you possess because you don’t deserve it. Just work, run, build, hide from anything that might make you vulnerable to loves (oft) slippery hands. Anything that will allow others to truly see you for the fraud you are… it can be terrifying to be seen. So you build a fortress of rainbows and sunbeams and attempt to leave a trail of blooming wild flowers behind you. No one will want to stomp through these gardens of growth! Who’d want to anyway? Plenty of people it can sometimes seem…
But what happens when that trail starts to grow mutated specimens (and few unnecessary heavy foot prints)? The kind your well tinctured (organic) Roundup can seemingly just not kill. Then the few remaining ‘normal’ flowers start dying an untimely death. There’s this insidious undergrowth that is creeping into view.
It’s then that you realize that the heart that throws exploding sunbeams of joy and jokes, has lost it’s pulsing power. That’s why everything is going to shit! Your heart fortress is locked and you (purposely?) have lost the key.
So to get back to the beginning. And maybe explain why I have photos of myself wearing a swimsuit…
I need help loving myself a lot of the time. I need to allow myself to be seen for who I am and feel love for this body I’ve been gifted.
So I’m telling you how I plan to weed my garden; disentangle the roots of hatred from the wild love that I know can take root. I’ll start by taking the key out from it’s convenient hiding place (nestled between my shoulder blades) so I can live with the vulnerability around my physical presence that I’ve had on lock down.
A grand opening of this fortress. Without all the fan fare and maybe a highly curated invite list … because all these years of hiding have crippled me a bit. So I’ll tackle this one waterfall at a time.
roadside yogi 